This Is Just Like Mean Girls: Bless Her Heart, She's Not From Around These Parts...

Because my job is not quite the traditional 9 to 5, Monday through Friday gig, I don't have a traditional weekend. Instead, I have two days off, one of which is Tuesday. On most Tuesdays, I go out of town and am not around for the adventures of Tuesday night. Most recently, Tuesday nights have become the nights for the fire alarm to go off in the building. This may or may not have something to do with the fact that one of my co-workers cooks for her hall on Tuesday and tends to go above and beyond my efforts of bacon and ice cream. Nevertheless, Tuesdays are eventful nights around here, and this week was no exception. In fact, our facilities person reports that this was the first time he'd ever known about this particular event happening at our school.

This week, we found a snake.

Source: http://rebloggy.com/post/food-snake-spaghetti-snakes-zeus-ball-python/35779102538

Specifically, my coworker Courtney found it. Now bless her heart, but Courtney is not from around these parts and Louisiana has brought its own set of challenges to her in the form of roaches, mice, and what we even once thought might be a roach-mouse. She came to us at the beginning of August from the great state of Michigan, and she has been quite the trooper. In addition to surviving the ridiculous August heat of our fair city, this poor girl has had more "hall visitors" than anyone else in the building. No matter what, she is a champion.

Since I was not on campus Tuesday night, I don't know exactly how it went down, but I'm pretty sure this is what happened:

Courtney sees the snake and hopes and prays someone just lost a shoe string.
It's not a shoe string.
Or spaghetti.
Definitely a snake.
Courtney runs down her hall to the desk, flailing her arms and screaming "AHHHHHHH! IQUITIQUITIQUIT!!!!!!" the whole way.
Kristy, another of our co-workers, is at the desk and begs Courtney not to quit but refuses to actually go out and look at the snake.
One of them calls our facilities person for instruction.
The instruction is to call the campus police to remove the snake.
My coworkers cower in the back while the bold police officers carry the snake away in some kind of container.
The day is saved.
Hopefully, that snake is really far away from our building.

Of course, most of this is just my interpretation since I wasn't there and have only heard stories.

After I returned from my math class this morning (boasting a 100 on my Geometry/Accelerated College Algebra exam, might I add), Nurse Mary, our beloved school nurse, was hanging out at the desk doing her regular Friday medicine counts and being generally awesome. Somehow, the subject of the snake came up, and Nurse Mary gave us her thoughts on the police taking the snake back outside. Nurse Mary is a wise woman full of great advice, and I felt it needed to be shared:

"Next time there's a snake, y'all call me. I'll send it to snake heaven. I would beat it to death, you bet your bottom dollar. I might be screaming the whole time I'm doing it, but I would beat it to death. It may live if it stays outside, but if it comes inside, it's going out in a body bag."

Also, a little throwback for the old people like me: