On Monday nights, my office hours are from 10:00 pm until midnight. They are not usually very exciting, so I often take that time to research dental insurance options, play Candy Crush Saga and/or Farmville 2, or talk on the phone. This week, I was on the phone when Connor stopped in my door frame as she often does.
"Kim, have you ever heard of the saying YOLO?"
Thinking I might just score some hip points, I smiled and said, "Yeah, I have."
"Do you know what it means?"
"You Only Live Once, right?" Boom. Got Her.
"Right! So...you should take me to Dairy Queen."
Normally, I would definitely not go on an after curfew run without it being Senior Sneakout, but Connor really got me with the YOLO logic. (What she doesn't know is that it will never work again.)
I looked at the clock on my computer, and it was somewhere around 10:56 pm. I know for a fact that Dairy Queen is not open after 11:00 pm, so I bargained with her and told her we could get ice cream from McDonald's, the only place in town I can think of that keeps its lobby open after 11:00 before Thursday night. She accepted my offer and invited her roommate, Morgan, along.
Dressed for success (or in our hanging at the dorm clothes...whatever) we loaded up into the Party Van, a silver Dodge Caravan, and struck out on a quest for ice cream and French fries. Despite the fact that I ate a filling dinner of steak, broccoli, and loaded mashed potatoes at Chili's earlier in the evening, I couldn't resist the thought of a McDouble or some chicken nuggets...so I got both. Why? YOLO. (Just FYI, YOLO apparently trumps any and all fast food breaks and three-meals-a-day logic.)
After some good food and conversation, we headed back to campus with no fewer than four bags of food for our comrades back at the mansion. Morgan requested that we listen to some rap music, so I turned to our local crunk station and found some jams. As we were pulling onto campus, a song they were particularly fond of came on, but they weren't sure what it was. Fortunately for us, I have Shazam on my ancient iPhone (take that, Connor!) and discovered within seconds that it was "Dope" by Tyga featuring Rick Ross. The girls decided they were going to go home and download it to jam in their rooms. Morgan even commented that she hoped their suitemates like the song, presumably because they were going to blast it.
Woah. Hold up. TEACHABLE MOMENT TIME!
Before room check, I had to ask Morgan to turn her music down and threaten her with taking her speakers away. When she mentioned blasting "Dope," I reminded her of my earlier threat to take her speakers away. Slightly distraught, she exclaimed, "Kim, it's either my music or drugs!"
I guess I don't want to find out what happens if I take away her speakers, but then again...YOLO.
January 30, 2013
January 24, 2013
"You Don't Even Have an iPhone."
I have a dry erase board directly outside of my bedroom door, and I really like having it there because it makes communicating messages for everyone just a little easier for me. Most of the time, however, I don't have anything important written on it, and my girls like to write/draw things on the board when they walk by.
Wednesday evening after my desk shift and before my evening run (this is becoming a thing, I promise), I went up to my room to change into workout clothes and saw one of my students portrayed in black and white with a comment about how her eyes looked like boobs, and I erased it and went about my day.
Sometime after room check, however, my board looked like this:
.JPG)
After our brief photography session, I updated the board with a little message from me:
.JPG)
As I was writing, Rebecca was in the hallway talking to one of her ex-boyfriends about something I didn't quite overhear. Connor, a loud and proud Blackberry owner, walked up to her and said, "Dude, Kim's iPhone is so old it doesn't even have a front-facing camera. Tell her how crazy that is," to which Rebecca responded, "You don't even have an iPhone."
I promptly thanked Rebecca for sticking up for me and headed down the hall to silence some girls who were laughing loudly at what I later learned was the Doritos "Goat 4 Sale" commercial. When I walked back by Rebecca, I heard her ask, "But you know you're an asshole, right?"
I can only hope the person on the other end responded in the affirmative. There's really just no other answer to that question.
Wednesday evening after my desk shift and before my evening run (this is becoming a thing, I promise), I went up to my room to change into workout clothes and saw one of my students portrayed in black and white with a comment about how her eyes looked like boobs, and I erased it and went about my day.
Sometime after room check, however, my board looked like this:
.JPG)
That's right, "I HEART TITS." I don't know if the artist was referring to birds or breasts, but based on the recent theme of my board, I went with the latter. While I have no problem with my students professing their adoration for "tits," I do not think my dry erase board is the proper venue, so I erased the message...but not before taking a picture of the board.
Photographing the art involved standing in my doorway with my iPhone 3GS aimed at the board (Go on, hate on me. I like my slightly outdated phone.) As I was attempting to take the picture, Connor walked by sporting her typical evening attire (or lack thereof) and asked, "Kim, are you taking selfies?" (That's what the kids call self portraits these days.) I told her I wasn't, but she insisted that we take a few. I attempted to do the thing where I hold out my arm and take the picture, but my former collegiate, sorority-mixing self couldn't quite take a picture that (a) was not blurry and (b) had both of us in the frame. Slightly frustrated, she pulled me into my bathroom and showed me how to take one in the mirror. (For anyone who's wondering: 1. Stand in front of the mirror. 2. Looking at the reflection of your phone, center the subject(s) in the frame. 3. Smile at the lens of the camera in your phone...not at your reflection in the mirror. 4. Take the picture. 5. Admire how great you look and discuss to whom you ought to send the selfie.)
After our brief photography session, I updated the board with a little message from me:
.JPG)
Ladies,
Please stop writing synonyms for "breast" on this board, and refrain from drawing boobs as well. Happy Thursday!
Love, Kim
Please stop writing synonyms for "breast" on this board, and refrain from drawing boobs as well. Happy Thursday!
Love, Kim
As I was writing, Rebecca was in the hallway talking to one of her ex-boyfriends about something I didn't quite overhear. Connor, a loud and proud Blackberry owner, walked up to her and said, "Dude, Kim's iPhone is so old it doesn't even have a front-facing camera. Tell her how crazy that is," to which Rebecca responded, "You don't even have an iPhone."
I promptly thanked Rebecca for sticking up for me and headed down the hall to silence some girls who were laughing loudly at what I later learned was the Doritos "Goat 4 Sale" commercial. When I walked back by Rebecca, I heard her ask, "But you know you're an asshole, right?"
I can only hope the person on the other end responded in the affirmative. There's really just no other answer to that question.
January 18, 2013
Keeping Campus Clean
Sometimes when I attempt to explain my job, I throw in "Yeah, I'm a 24 year old with a 10:00 curfew" just for the shock value. Truthfully, the only times I make it out of my 170+ room mansion after that time (midnight on weekends) are when it's my day off, someone has to go to the hospital, or I desperately need something from Walmart (for example, Eggo waffles or DiGiorno pizza...the grocery stores all close by 10:00 during the week.)
Because my nights off are Tuesday and Saturday, the days of Thirsty Thursday are luxuries of my collegiate past--luxuries I rarely took advantage of, might I add. Once a month, however, my boss allows me to take up to 14 of my senior girls out on the town for what we have come to know and love as Senior Sneakout.
Senior Sneakout is typically a Thursday night adventure to one of the few locations in our town that has a dining room open after 10:00 pm. (We tried to go to Wendy's once and ended up having to take the short bus through the drive thru because the lobby was closed...no lie.) On a tame night, six of my students join me for a Fourth Meal at Taco Bell and de-stress from college searches; other times, a dozen girls and I roll up to Raising Cane's to celebrate One Love and look at the cute fraternity men who are enjoying some combination of the four (five if you count the sauce) menu offerings at Cane's. Having absolutely no shame about the fact that we rolled up in a yellow short bus, we spend the next half hour or so enjoying all of the chicken tenders and eye candy we can take in.
For the first Sneakout of 2013, there was some disagreement about where we would go: McDonald's, KFC, or Raising Cane's? One argument against KFC (from the same protagonist as my wet quarters and three backpacks entries) was, "KFC is for fat white people!" I insisted that KFC closed at 10:00 anyway, but I was assured by several students that I was incorrect. Fortunately for everyone, I took an elective in graduate school about conflict management and used my knowledge to come up with a plan people could go for: I would drop off the McDonald's and KFC people at McDonald's, take everyone else to Cane's, and come back for the McDonald's/KFC people. Sacrificing the hilarious conversations we often have at Senior Sneakouts, as well as the opportunity to check out the college crowd, we embarked on our adventure into the big city.
When we pulled into McDonald's, only two girls (out of eight on tonight's adventure) got off the bus. As she left, one girl commented, "Y'all, getting off the short bus at McDonald's is embarrassing." The crowd on the bus watched as the girls tried desperately to get their hands on some "fat white people" food before hanging their heads and walking to McDonald's...but apparently that's not as embarrassing as arriving at McDonald's in a short bus.
Rolling up at Raising Cane's with a surplus of short bus swag, we were somewhat surprised to find a packed parking lot, including what looked like a police officer giving some girls a ticket. For once in my life, I managed to fit the short bus into one parking space and park the bus straight. (I am only slightly exaggerating about how often I manage to accomplish this feat; usually, I nail the "one space per vehicle" thing but struggle with parking straight.)
Inside, we found a sea of purple and orange-clad Demon supporters after the Lady Demons apparently forked Nicholls State University in basketball this evening. (Despite living on campus, this was news to us.) More conspicuous than ever in our non-Demon colors, we waited patiently to place our orders and try to scam on whatever discount the college kids were getting for shouting "Fork 'Em!" at a basketball game and liking chicken. (I love my alma mater and her bear mascot, but "Fork 'Em" is a close second to "Go Bears!" on my list of awesome things to shout at a sports event.) Our lack of university IDs made getting the "Buy One, Get One Free" deal more challenging to obtain than we anticipated, but we managed to leave with delicious food (or in my "on a break from fast food" case, just a cup of sweet tea) in hand and smiles on our faces.
After we picked up our McDonald's comrades and explained why we were at Cane's for so long (hungry college students who just watched the Demons fork the Colonels) discussion ensued about getting discounts in town with university IDs. From the driver's seat, I piped up, "We should really just start collecting IDs people drop on campus. Then, when someone questions me and suggests I am not the black man in the picture, I can be outraged!"
From the back of the bus, I heard, "Kim. What you just told us is that if we randomly pick up an ID on campus, it's going to be a black man's. That's assuming a lot. Also, you just told us to use someone else's ID to get things. That's a felony. What kind of example is that?"
Despite knowing I once used Facebook to track down someone who lost his wallet in front of our building and return it within just a few minutes, all I could come up with on the fly was, "I was just suggesting you pick up IDs on the ground to keep the campus clean!" (There's a reason I am not a lawyer. Actually, there are many.)
Since I have 19 seniors on my floor this semester, I know Senior Sneakouts are only going to get more interesting as time goes on and the vicious epidemic known as Senioritis progresses. Until then, I am going to do my best to not advise my students to commit felonies.
Because my nights off are Tuesday and Saturday, the days of Thirsty Thursday are luxuries of my collegiate past--luxuries I rarely took advantage of, might I add. Once a month, however, my boss allows me to take up to 14 of my senior girls out on the town for what we have come to know and love as Senior Sneakout.
Senior Sneakout is typically a Thursday night adventure to one of the few locations in our town that has a dining room open after 10:00 pm. (We tried to go to Wendy's once and ended up having to take the short bus through the drive thru because the lobby was closed...no lie.) On a tame night, six of my students join me for a Fourth Meal at Taco Bell and de-stress from college searches; other times, a dozen girls and I roll up to Raising Cane's to celebrate One Love and look at the cute fraternity men who are enjoying some combination of the four (five if you count the sauce) menu offerings at Cane's. Having absolutely no shame about the fact that we rolled up in a yellow short bus, we spend the next half hour or so enjoying all of the chicken tenders and eye candy we can take in.
For the first Sneakout of 2013, there was some disagreement about where we would go: McDonald's, KFC, or Raising Cane's? One argument against KFC (from the same protagonist as my wet quarters and three backpacks entries) was, "KFC is for fat white people!" I insisted that KFC closed at 10:00 anyway, but I was assured by several students that I was incorrect. Fortunately for everyone, I took an elective in graduate school about conflict management and used my knowledge to come up with a plan people could go for: I would drop off the McDonald's and KFC people at McDonald's, take everyone else to Cane's, and come back for the McDonald's/KFC people. Sacrificing the hilarious conversations we often have at Senior Sneakouts, as well as the opportunity to check out the college crowd, we embarked on our adventure into the big city.
When we pulled into McDonald's, only two girls (out of eight on tonight's adventure) got off the bus. As she left, one girl commented, "Y'all, getting off the short bus at McDonald's is embarrassing." The crowd on the bus watched as the girls tried desperately to get their hands on some "fat white people" food before hanging their heads and walking to McDonald's...but apparently that's not as embarrassing as arriving at McDonald's in a short bus.
Rolling up at Raising Cane's with a surplus of short bus swag, we were somewhat surprised to find a packed parking lot, including what looked like a police officer giving some girls a ticket. For once in my life, I managed to fit the short bus into one parking space and park the bus straight. (I am only slightly exaggerating about how often I manage to accomplish this feat; usually, I nail the "one space per vehicle" thing but struggle with parking straight.)
Inside, we found a sea of purple and orange-clad Demon supporters after the Lady Demons apparently forked Nicholls State University in basketball this evening. (Despite living on campus, this was news to us.) More conspicuous than ever in our non-Demon colors, we waited patiently to place our orders and try to scam on whatever discount the college kids were getting for shouting "Fork 'Em!" at a basketball game and liking chicken. (I love my alma mater and her bear mascot, but "Fork 'Em" is a close second to "Go Bears!" on my list of awesome things to shout at a sports event.) Our lack of university IDs made getting the "Buy One, Get One Free" deal more challenging to obtain than we anticipated, but we managed to leave with delicious food (or in my "on a break from fast food" case, just a cup of sweet tea) in hand and smiles on our faces.
After we picked up our McDonald's comrades and explained why we were at Cane's for so long (hungry college students who just watched the Demons fork the Colonels) discussion ensued about getting discounts in town with university IDs. From the driver's seat, I piped up, "We should really just start collecting IDs people drop on campus. Then, when someone questions me and suggests I am not the black man in the picture, I can be outraged!"
From the back of the bus, I heard, "Kim. What you just told us is that if we randomly pick up an ID on campus, it's going to be a black man's. That's assuming a lot. Also, you just told us to use someone else's ID to get things. That's a felony. What kind of example is that?"
Despite knowing I once used Facebook to track down someone who lost his wallet in front of our building and return it within just a few minutes, all I could come up with on the fly was, "I was just suggesting you pick up IDs on the ground to keep the campus clean!" (There's a reason I am not a lawyer. Actually, there are many.)
Since I have 19 seniors on my floor this semester, I know Senior Sneakouts are only going to get more interesting as time goes on and the vicious epidemic known as Senioritis progresses. Until then, I am going to do my best to not advise my students to commit felonies.
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